This is a true story. It is a mircle I have not been committed to an institution.
The Great Skate
I am going to tell you all about my recent "IDEA"!!!!!!!
When I was in my late teen and early 20's I used to roller skate competition, figures and dance. Well, it obviously has been years since I had on a pair of roller skates.
As I need to lose 40 # and am not allowed to have any impact on my joints, I got the crazy idea in my head that if I could roller skate maybe I could lose some weight. I decided that roller blades were out as I tried on my daughters and needless to say, it was not pretty!!!!
So, off I go to K-Mart to buy a "cheap" pair of old fashion 4 wheel roller skates. All they have is white boot with bright purple wheels, toe stops, and laces!!!!!!! Mmmmmmmmm, so I figure, what's the difference, as long as they are skates who will notice!
Then I pick out a helmet. Now the all black one for adults were great but expensive. So I look over and there is a very expensive helmet really cheap, because it is black with hot pink streaks!!!!!!! Well, anything to save a buck.
Gotta have knee pads!!!! Find a really good bargain, knee, elbow and wrist guards in a bag for a real steal!!!!!
So, home I go and put on the skates, in the house, I have hardwood floors, try to stand up holding on to the dining room table. Gosh, this is much harder than I remember.
Oh, I forgot to tell you, my sense of balance is not good anymore due to the illness!!!! I can overcome this I say to myself. Maybe it will be easier outside.
Go to the bike way with my daughter. Sit in the gazebo and put on the "gear". Am I ever going to look spiffy!!!!! Finally get the skates on and am out of breath from bending over, am I ever out of condition, huffing and puffing, then try to figure out how to get the helmet on. My daughter says, mom, I think you have it on backwards!!!!! You have to be an engineer to figure out how to put all this stuff on. .By this time she is trying to hold back the laughter. Then I break open the padding for the first time. Well, the cheap o stuff barely makes it around my chubby knees!!!!! I tell Jennifer that I think they are children’s and she looks them over and says, no just cheap and even the expensive ones are made for lean knees!
So, I am trying to figure out if I want to risk this without protection and finally settle for the elbow and wrist guards, the elbow guards are now cutting off my circulation so I am a bit on the blue side with black helmet, bright hot pink streaks on it, white 4 wheel boot skates, bright purple laces, toe stops and wheels!!!!!
I looked like a Whale on Wheels!!!!!!
I stand up holding on to poor Jennifer for dear life. I am bearly moving, a turtle could pass me up, and she is telling me, mom, your doing just great!!!! Really, how dumb does she think I am.
So, Jennifer is on one side of me and I have my cane in the other hand!!!!
If you have ever seen me, short, 5'2", gray hair, pudgy body and with a cane on roller skates!!!!
Some poor lady came over and asked if I was blind?
No one probably though a person who would use a cane would try to roller skate. My family tried to stop me from trying but when I get an idea in my head I am determine.
Well, I must have skated at least l0 ft that night holding on to Jennifer.
We went out another night but after that decided it might be better to give up the idea for now!!!! and stick to playing with my clay!!!! It is a lot safer.
A Hannah Hamm Original by
Sharon Jean Updike
Author
Topic: The Great Skate (Read 4038 times)