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[irbyma7297]

I found out the other day that i am something called a maladaptive daydreamer. It baisically means that i spend most of my day making up stories in my head. Sources say it has something to do with prior trauma. I have no idea what this could be, but i sure do daydream a lot. Most of us, like me, actually bond with the characters in the stories. Don't confuse it with schizophrenia, i know none of them are real.  But that isn't the embarrassing part.

 The embarrassing part is what I daydream about.

I started daydreaming around 8 years old. They always involved someone who could turn into any animal at will. At that age, i often wished i hadn't been born human. I would also daydream about pokemon, namely a pikachu, named peakachoo. She was my best friend for a long time.

My Then i saw the Planet of the Apes movies, and everything changed.  My daydreams escalated. They became more involved, more real. I started daydreaming about being in that world. i couldn't stop, laying in my bed simply exploring another world. From then on, my daydreams became more and more strange, the only reason  why i will tell you guys is that i am confident i will never meet any of you in real life.

After the PotA daydreams became old (about 4 years ago) I went on. each one, (this is hard to type) involved, in some way, people were not the only intellegent species. in fact, we are often kept as pets. (oh, dear, now yo will all hate me -_-)  i went from apes to animals in general to ghosts and eventually aliens, where i remain to this day.

Eventually, I had ( you guessed it) surgery.

As soon as i could, i would sit in the kitchen and listen to music. as soon as i could walk,i paced. My dreams became more and more complicated, My character became more and more like someone i would want to be.

In my daydreams, i usually have the same name, Holli. In the daydreams, I am always happy, at least towards the end.

Every once in a while, I try to express my day dreams in short stories or pictures. Whenever i do this, weird looks and comments are ensured, seemingly lowering my self esteem and sending me into this world where i am normal again.

I would almost like to give some more details, but i doubt anyone here would like to hear them. I would, however, love to answer any questions.

so, any questions/ comments?

[kat]

You should keep a daydream diary and maybe then one day when you are older you could use some of the daydream material to write a novel. 

[InmemoryofRomeo]

I daydream, but sadly when you get older and life gets busier you'll find the daydreams start to fade away. I like Kat's idea of keeping a diary

[Talon]

I agree with Kat's idea about a daydream diary. I was able to craft my daydreams into stories- book length stories. The shortest was thirty five pages and the longest was two hundred and forty five pages. They run in a fifteen book series. Oddly enough, Irbyma, I think we may have the same condition only I didn't know that was what I was doing. I too was mostly isolated when I was closer to your age. All my friends lived in other states since I attended a residental school for blind people. I spent lots and lots of time alone as a child and a teenager. I poured myself into my writing, my schoolwork, and my pets. Mostly though, I lived in my head. I wouldn't be embarrassed. People have to find creative ways to cope with situations in life. As long as you can channel all that creativity into something so that you're not a catatonic lump, your daydreams can be a very good thing. Those stories kept me sain while my mother drew toward the end of her life and gave me some friends to comfort me when she finally passed away when I was thirteen. Even later when I had bad circomstances handed to me, my little characters were there to give me the courage to keep reaching forward in my life to whatever the future held- be it good or bad.
Talon

[kat]

Hey Talon did you ever get your books published?  I love reading and devour anything new I can get my hands on..... I would love to read your books   I too day dream in stories but so far have not ever managed to write any of them down and it seems as I get older I have less and less time to devote to my day dreaming.  I would love to one day write a book but sadly I fear my writing skills are not up to the task.  Anyway I always wished that I had kept a diary of my day dreams as all of them would have made great plot lines or ideas for books. 

Another idea for you Irbyma is try putting your day dream stories onto Watt Pad.  It is a website - or app - you can read other amateur writers stories, fan fiction and also write your own.  Most people write or publish their stories one chapter at a time on there and then others can read it and give you feedback, letting you know if they think it is any good or if they have ideas of how they would like to see your story go etc.   Some people who have written books on here have gone on to get them published
My daughter is 14 and loves Watt Pad.  She is currently writing a story of her own .... so she tells me ... but being her mum I'm not allowed to read it   She also reads others stories on there all the time.  It is a great place to find inspiration and encouragement to let your imagination soar. 

[Talon]

Sadly, no. My books are still sitting on my hard drive. I'm working on book number sixteen but it's currently stalled. I'd love to show you some of my books. I can't send you my books through my email because JAWS doesn't have a hotkey in Yahoo for attaching files using Internet Explorer but I could throw a couple on my jump drive and have my cousin send them to you.
Talon

[kat]

I'd love to read them Talon   Maybe you should look into Watt Pad too Might be your fist step on the way to getting them published. 

[Talon]

I tried looking for it but I couldn't find it. I'm not sure if I'm typing it in wrong or what. I'll look at the spelling instead of simply trying to read it and try again. In the meantime, would you object if I send you a book via PM at let's say- six pages per block if I can make one that long? My cousin just found out some really distressing news about her husband's job and I don't want to have to ask her for help just now.
Talon

[irbyma7297]

Im sorry this is so late, but thank you
I found a forum about it called wild minds, and i feel very accepted there i wiah i were more active here, but they have a very active chat where i spend most of my time. Ive never had my daydream topics be so accepted, an  i doubt ive ever felt this normal maladaptive daydreaming usually doesnt wear off simply with age, you usually have to work very hard at it. Ive met someone there who is my age, and it is a huge relief, bigger than any ive felt, to feel that normal. Once again, thanks guys

[InmemoryofRomeo]

It's not that it wears off, it's just that other things get in the way. Gad you found a place to chat and chill.

[RedwoodsMama]

I think writing in the diary is a great idea. I use to daydream a lot, it turned out in my very early years, up to about 12, a lot like the movie, "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty", with the actor, Danny Kaye, I think this was first made in 1947 and I loved it, It is a short James Thurber story about a character who often daydreams and puts himself in the characters life as a hero of some sort,  http://www.all-story.com/issues.cgi?action=show_story&story_id=100                    You would think I was crazy if I told you some of the stories I used to tell, in fact, I got so carried away, I started wishing they were true and on several occasions made up stories and told them to friends who thought they were true. I had a younger brother though that caught me telling me one of these stories to a friend on the bus and caught me in the middle of "the lie" and it was embarrassing to have to be caught................a lot of my childhood fantasies had to do with the fact my life had so much trauma in it, and with divorce and family problems at the age of seven, I had nobody but my dad, so had to event things to make my life more interesting and fun.

         I found out as an adult though and after having children of my own, that "daydreaming" does not have to end. What I now participate in actively is what is called, Lucid dreaming, where you determine what you can do during the "dream state" or some people call out of body experiences. After awhile, it becomes more like the "dream" world is more real then the physical world. You can determine what is going to happen in your "dream state", just like daydreaming, except you don't just write it down, but become a participant and if you do not like what is happening, you can "rewrite" it, by stopping the scene.

          Talon I would love to see more of the books , stories you have written, I think that is great and is sounds very exciting, I have allways had an imagination and love the creative process but my best writing was allways in dark periods of my life, I couldn't write poetry just because the teacher gave you a subject for example. I will have to check out those sites, Wild Minds and the one Kat mentioned, just to see some of the stuff on there, it sounds exciting.

Oh just as a sidenote, the one story I told when I was about seven or eight years old that I remember, I found a black and white photo of a pony when I lived in Kansas, one the ground in the trailer park area we lived in. I took it to school, carried in a pocket or something, can't remember that well. I started talking to a couple of girl friends about this horse, pony I had and made up al lkinds of stories, about what we did, how sick this pony had been, how my dad bought him from a well known breeder on a farm etc, etc, all kinds of adventures. so of course at the end, I pulled out the photo of my "pony", I took daydreaming to a whole new level, making it real in my mind at this age. Well, got myself in trouble cause I was talking on the school bus where my younger but mean brother could hear me and he basically ruined my story, saying it was all made up.. I can't remember what happened, but that was the first story I had made up to try and make part of my real life when very young. There are more liberal atttitudes nowadays when it comes to making up stories and daydreaming, When I was a child, it was considered wasting of valuable time, but there were no computers. no CDS, Smart PHones or Cell phones, No VHS or dVDS, No STar Wars or the amazing stories on the big screen that there are now. People have allways used their imagination to bring their visions to literature but that was the only general outlet at the time, The internet gives you an amazing wealth of opportunities to express yourself with like minded people Irbyma so take advantage of it.        Hugs.  RWM 

[Lunamione7]

RWM I did the exact same thing with the pony photo when I was aged nine or ten years The youngest daughter of the family who owned our rental house had a pony and one day I was invited over to play 'horsey owner for a day'. I had my picture taken putting ribbons in the pony's hair, when I went to school and showed the other kids they all asked if the pony was mine.... I said YES and made up a similar story to yours about how I came to own the pony and what it's name was and how many ribbons we'd won and all sorts of things.

Since I have no siblings I was never caught but boy was it hard work making sure my story held up when teachers would suddenly mention "my pony" to my mother! We had a day when everyone got to bring their pet to school to be blessed by a priest and a teacher asked my mum why I didn't bring "my" pony Somehow I managed to take over the conversation and by the end of it my mother thought the teacher was joking and the teacher believed the pony couldn't come because it would be scared by all the barking dogs... it was a close call, but I got away with it! 

[RedwoodsMama]

 Luna, that is funny  but when I really think of it, probably more common then some would think. Many little girls , at least when I was growing up, had a love for horses like boys do for guns, cars, etc. I remember wanting a horse for so long and my dad actualy had money saved up for me to buy me one when I got older and there was enough saved, but divorce and life can have consequences and I never really got one in the physical. I did get a Black Angus for a short time when I was in 9th grade, I was the only other girl in the whole school that was a member of the Agricultural SCience class, which meant I was a member of FFA, I was a Future Farmerette of America. LOL. so funny now cause I would never in a million years raise a cow anymore, knowing 99% of them are headed for the "table". I was still eating meat back then, but things were getting close to changing. I got a B in the class which was pretty hard. We did some horrific things.

              I can honestly say that I have neutered pigs and docked lambs tail, which is the worst. I think the male teacher esp liked seeing a squeamish female, have to do things like that. Luckily I found myself in San Francisco during the heyday of the flower children and rebellion and war against the war in Vietnam, and everything changed very very fast, I never had to see my Black Angus calf head to the table, at least not personally.

             I am amazed that you got away with the "white lie" of having a pony. Boy, my mom would have caught me, but actually it would have been my dad if not my brother. My dad had that kind of look and intense eyes, that just him staring at me, could make me break out in tears and I could not have lied when talking to him or in his presence. I think it Is a great story Luna!
What I want to know, is what ever happened to the pony? Did anymore stories ever happen with him, or did you invent other ones?                                       RWM 

[Lunamione7]

I went to an agricultural high school too! We had all sorts of animals. Cows, chickens, horses, goats, alpacas, fish, sheep, pigs and more I am probably forgetting.

The only mean agriculture teacher was unfortunately the horse teacher. I always thought whilst in high school that the cruelty of some of my teachers was all in my head, I thought it was just because I was a teenager and teenagers think all adults are cruel but when I look back now with 'adult wisdom' I can honestly say there were an awful lot of terrible teachers at that school who absolutely should not have said and did many things of the things they did and should have been fired long ago.

The horse management teacher was cruel to both horses and students. She used to hit the horses, they would be beaten across the face with their reigns -- the metal end with the bit. She would hit them so hard they would bleed and taunt any student who cried. I ended up leaving that class after she put me in a terrifying situation where I could have been hurt and then humiliated me in front of the other students. Horrible woman.

I too have castrated cattle and docked lambs tails but at our school it was done in such a way that the animal wasn't in pain. Students would get an animal of their choosing at the start of each year that they had to keep and train for competition at the end of year Royal Agricultural Show. With most animals there is a 'live' judging and a 'carcase' judging, so for your animal to have a chance at the grand prize you have to let them kill it. This was always the students choice though, if they loved their animal they could just do the live ring competition and then pull out before sending to slaughter. You could also buy your animal from the school at the end of the year. I was in the poultry club so my animals was always a chicken or duck who are Lucky in that there is no carcass judging, you can win trophies and ribbons with your bird without having to have it killed. I won many ribbons with my chickens and I bought them all from the school so they lived at home with me.

The pony story ended when I got to high school. It was so stressfull keeping the story going that when I moved to highschool and didn't know anyone there, I simply did not tell them I had a horse