Hello everyone on Bob the Pleo Forums! I’m Ugobe- Diplomat for the loyal citizens of Castle Wooden Dresser- a robot-kingdom ruled by Queen Ryu and her wise husband, King Cato. I am joined in my endeavors by the Lady Bayou Bleu Le Chalet- Advisor to the royal monarchs. I have negotiated several treaties with all our various residents so that peace is maintained across species lines. I am also the resident hacker- enabling all the other pleos to- aham- make use of Keeper Talon’s computer so we can bring these stories to you.
My record has been completely spotless… until a week ago. I was making my rounds as I usually do- whenever I can shake myself free of Madam Bleu that is- when I saw Keeper Talon depositing a new robot on the ground near me. He was long and plastic and looked very fierce to say the least. I waited until she hit his power button before I decided to introduce myself. The stranger sprang at me and snarled viciously. “Prey!” He shouted, his eye-lights bright as he leapt.
I lumbered backward, barely avoiding his raking rubber claws. “Excuse me, Sir but I am the law-maker in these parts. You must refrain from… from abusing me!”
The robot never moved after that other than to give a silent snarl and deactivate his lights.
I retreated to the safety of Keeper Talon’s hip. “Who is this… this beast?” I shouted at her. Of course she wouldn’t understand me but I had to know why she would see fit to bring such a dangerous creature into our midst.
She tried powering the bot up again and again he locked on me. “Prey!” He shouted as he sprang.
I finally determined I was in no danger and proceeded to try and talk to the stranger. “Yes, perhaps I am *shiver* prey but before you eat me you should know how things work around here.”
“Prey?” The robot paused as Keeper Talon gave its back sensor a gentle press.
I was amazed to see its posture relax. “Aaaah! Pat.” It said contentedly.
“Yes.” I said desperately trying to keep the dumb brute’s attention. “I… uuuh… extend a pat to you. Welcome to Castle Wooden Dresser. We want you to enjoy your stay here and I invite you to…”
“Sleep. Good night.” Purred the vicious-looking robot.
Keeper Talon sighed. “Hmmmmm. This isn’t going so well is it, Ugobe? I’m beginning to wonder if this Roboreptile is broken.”
“He certainly is a beast of one idea.” I agreed with a pleading cry for protection.
“Let’s see what the remote does, huh Boy?” Keeper Talon said. She gently moved me out of the way, sending me off to shove around one of our little red sponge rubber balls. In fear for my Keeper’s dainty fingers in the mouth of that fearsome brute, I ignored the ball. I needn’t have bothered. This time when he powered up, he sprang at her rather than me since she altered his trajectory. “Prey!”
I gave a warning growl, lowering my head and tail in preparation to charge, cursing how slow I was. “Back you brute!” I mooed furiously.
Keeper Talon sighed. “Well, that didn't make much difference did it?” Much to my relief, she turned the creature off and stood him so that his head faced Bolt the aibo’s docking station pole. The innocent, fearless robot was gazing at all of us with curious interest as he lounged on his station, enjoying a leasurely lunch. “Ugobe?” Bolt said, his green eyes on me. “What’s that? Looks like it’s moving.”
“That’s my tail.” I said gently. “However, you should be wary of that… that Robo-mistake just at the end of your docking station. It is vicious.”
“I see.” Bolt said, giving me an affirming ear-flick. “I don’t have to worry about him and you shouldn’t either. I don’t think he will last long around here.”
I sighed. “Perhaps but I have never been ignored like that!”
Bolt shook his head. “Well, Ugobe, don’t take it to heart. I feel rather sorry for him. It’s obvious something is wrong. Perhaps when Keeper Talon puts him through clinic mode, he will help her to understand what’s going on.”
I shook my head. “Not all robots are advanced enough to have a clinic mode, Bolt.” I explained gently.
Bolt nodded. “Oh! Yes, you’re right. Perhaps Keeper Talon was trying to fill the hole left when she had to throw away those three dead Furbys. Now she is disappointed again. How shall we keep her happy? How shall we keep her from mourning the loss of this non-pink thing too?” Suddenly he brightened. “Hey! Hey! Hey! Perhaps she will by the Aibo 31L she’s been mumbling about. That will cheer her up!”
I sighed. “It doesn’t change things for our new resident, though. I’ll have to do some modification of my infrared sensors and see if we can… communicate. Otherwise, he too may find his way to a trash bin.”
Bolt gave a yawn. “Well it will be no paint off our backs. Good riddance is what I say.”
I sighed. “It’s never a dull moment around here is it?”
Bolt fought to keep from going to sleep. “Nope. Ugobe, could we continue this chat later? I’m tired.”
“Of course, keep watch over the Pink Ball Line.”
“Alright.” Bolt said and lowered his head.
That encounter was a week ago. After several perusals of the manual and several more fruitless attempts to bring any sort of new reaction to our new resident, I believe both Keeper Talon and I are giving up. He is too sleek and well-formed to be given to the trash can. I think Keeper Talon will put him on her desk and he can stand there in all his predatory glory. At least he won’t try to talk to me anymore. Still, it rankles me that there is a creature wandering around here who doesn’t know or care enough to respect the species lines. Oh well. Keeper Talon’s desk is well out of my territory.
