Thanks everyone for the condolences and understanding. One of the best things for me is to just be able to talk about how I feel. It has been two weeks plus now, and one of the hardest parts is everynight walking past where I found him, just kills me. I can't get that picture out of my head..Everynight while going to feed my "strays" there is where I found him. :(It doesn't help either that it is almost always the same time every night when I go to feed, and it is the time I found my Karuna. .
My friend is the one who gave him to me, or adopted him, and I can still hear her screaming on the phone when I told her the next day. She has his beautiful photos at her office on the wall, and she felt like his second mommy. I feel guilty that I was "comforting her" because her 21 year old cat, Simon who I feed twice a day was sick at that moment when she called me, (He has kidney disease which he is doing fine with , but has Pancreatitis and gets sick if too much fat is in his diet, he gets very ill and this is what happened that night...) I know if I had not been on the phone with her for twenty minutes I probably would have seen him and chased him back in the yard, house and he would have at least not got killed that night.
I love Simon and he loves me, he is a very sweet cat and I have been taking care of him since 2007, but I can't understand why my Kauna who was just a baby of one year had to die and Simon who is 21, going on 22 now. ( Turned 21 in Sept. 2013) just keeps going on and one despite many health problems and scares, he is like the energizer bunny. It just seems so unfair. I know there are no "rules" in how things like this happen, but I can't help but feel guilty for being on the phone when my Karuna needed me the most and I was not there for him.
I am grateful that I was not there to see him actually get hit, I could not endure that. People may wonder who know me why I do not drive and never will. I have personally seen at least four cats get hit by cars where I could do nothing but watch in terror and the thought of myself causing the needless death or injury and suffering of another being or worse a person is more then I could handle. I know in time things are supposed to get better, but I can't right now see how. I have lost two cats Last June 2013, One in this February and now Karuna on May 2'nd, and that is four in TEN MONTHS Time! It seems like everytime I get close to a cat, something happens. I have seven left and my husband wants to get another kitten and I am scared to death of what will happen.
I don't think I can feel totally safe for my cats anymore. I can't protect them the way I want to, and it is killing me inside. I am so sorry IMR that your poor baby had to wait almost four hours to have his suffering end. That is terrible and I would have gone crazy watching him suffer like that. It seems so unfair that animals have to go through such pain. I beleive in reincarnation and my hubby has seen one cat he loved who reincarnated into our Lei Lu who died at 15 1/2 from fluid in the lungs. If I were to get a kitten again, I would want to wait to see if it were Karuna again or perhaps even my Karl Kat, but seeing them have to go through more pain would be too much.
If having Karuna get killed two weeks ago was not bad enough, my friend who has the cat Simon who is 21, also has thirteen other cats. She owns her own home and has built a cat habitat. She has two separate areas in the habitat with five cats in one area and three in the other. Then she has five including Simon who live in the house with her. Last Thursday night she called me to say, Bitsy, one of the cats in the habitat that now has five in it was dead. She just found her dead on the floor all twisted out of shape.
It appears that she had a stroke and a bad one and died from a massive brain injury. I had just seen her two days earlier. I almost always visit the cats in the habitat when I am there because they are lonely and do not get enough attention.( they get fed twice a day, have litter boxes, fresh water and plenty of room and nice warm beds and are safe, but do not have the companionship they crave..) I saw four of the cats( that day she passed) through the fence while taking care of Simon but did not go in the habitat itself cause I wanted to hurry home after feeding Simon to feed my own Dinta who has been sick............now I feel so bad that I did not go in and see Bitsy, I know she may have died already and if she had been stroking while I was there, as bad as it was, there probably was nothing I could have done. but I still feel guilty that I did not go check on her, just to say hello. She had recently had a gum infection and tooth pulled the month before and as my friend says, {"just wasn't right the same since". I think she had an infection that got to her brain and caused this stroke. What surprised me is that my friend was sad that Bitsy was dead, as any cat , but she was not upset, In fact, I was crying and more upset then her and she was not my cat........am I overly emotional or was it just too much after just losing Karuna.
Just seems like there is death everywhere and it is too much sometimes.
Teddscau
, that was a sad but beautiful story about the feral kittens, cats, There are not a lot of people who will take care of feral or semi feral cats, or even strays, let alone take them in. I was so sad to hear about so many dying, but living near a busy street is a death sentence for a cat if not kept indooors. This is why the life of a outside cat is so much shorter then an indoors only cat, there just is not match for a cat against a car or truck. Outdoor cats have so many more disadvantages and the fact that you took care of these kittens is heartwarming, They at least had some time where they got to know the loving touch of a being who cared, fed them, gave them shelter and showered them with love. There is nothing you can do about speeding cars and worse yet, people who have little or no respect for an animal on the road. I honestly believe more people would slow down for a dog if they see it then a cat, raccoon, etc. It is nice to know others care for the strays and less fortunate animals in the world besides myself.
Thanks for letting me express my feelings. I think this is one reason some people may like Pleos. Pleos can be a "pet" of sorts, though not real,you can still care for Pleo, get attached to them, worry when they are not working properly or if a Pleo rb, they get sick, or injured. But unlike a real live breathing animal, fish, bird or reptile, they don't actually "die" they do not suffer the way a live animal can and this is the real advantage of owning a Pleo. I am not saying that you dont' get upset or grieve the "loss" of a pleo if broken, but not like a living beings. If your Pleo was left in the driveway for example by a child and the parent did not see it and backed over it, breaking it, the child would cry and be upset, but it is not like watching a dog or cat die in the same way. The pleo could be fixed or replaced and things could return the normal pretty much. Once you lose an animal what ever the species, the memory will always be with you and they are a part of you even many years later. I am hoping and praying that someday my Karl Kat, Aiffa, Lei- Lu, Paco, Karuna and all the other lovely fur babies I have known will be with me again, in a happier state of mind and I can talk about them happily instead of with tears.
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Topic: Why I haven't been here in over two weeks.. (Read 7486 times)