All the other kids made fun of little Johnny. They teased him because he was stupid. One of their favorite ways to make fun of him and show other kids how stupid he was, was to offer him money. They would call him over, and one kid would hold out his hand with a nickel and a dime in it.
“Hey, Johnny! Here you can have one.”
Little Johnny would look at the two coins, then grab the nickel. “I want this one. It’s bigger!”
The kids would walk away and start laughting at a Johnny. “I told you he’s stupid! He thinks the nickel is worth more because it’s bigger! Haw! Haw!”
One time, a elderly man saw what was going on. When the other kids left, he called to little Johnny. “Come here. son!” the old man waved Johnny over. “Those kids are just making fun of you! Don’t you know that the dime, even though it’s smaller, is worth twice as much as the nickel?”
“Sure! I know that.” Johnny said, putting the nickel in his pocket. “But if I take the dime, they’ll stop playing the game.”
There’s an old arabic proverb about the bedoin who awoke in the middle of the night hungry. He lit a candle and took a date from the bowl next to his bed. He bit in, only to find a worm. So he threw the date out and picked up another one from the bowl. He bit into that one and found another worm. He threw the second date out. But as he reached for a third, he stopped and thought: “If the first two had worms, then the bowl is infested, and the rest will most likely have worms as well.“ But he was still hungry. So he blew out the candle and ate the rest of the dates.
Blowing out the candle doesn’t change reality, we all know that. But this story points out the truth that most people prefer to be happy in their ignorance than to see the truth. And if the truth be told, most people know they are idiots. But in knowing that, they choose to remain ignorant of their acts of stupidity. I mean, if you think about it, who really wants their stupidity pointed out to them? Oh, sure, we all talk about the benefits of constructive criticism, but deep down inside, it still hurts when people criticize us.
The old saying “Ignorance is bliss” is wrong. It’s the ignorance of our stupidity that’s bliss. People are quite happy doing stupid thing. That is, until someone points out their stupidity. Then the happiness is gone. It is replaced by embarrassment, shame, guilt, and often anger. Anger often directed at the person who pointed out the stupidity. Which brings us to our next Life’s Rule:
Life Rule #3: Pointing out an idiot’s stupidity is idiotic.
Trust me on this one. People are not going to be thankful or grateful. Shouting out your car window, trying to educate the guy about basic traffic laws and safety, will only get you shot. explaining to the guy in front of you that his overloaded basket is over the 12-item limit in the express lane will not get you a hearty handshake and “Thanks! I didn’t know that! Boy you sure save me some embarrassment!” Even pointing out to your spouse that that’s the tube of Preparation-H, not the toothpaste, will usually just get you a disgruntled “Hey! I’m not an idiot!” instead of a “Wow! Thanks Honey!”
Tags: express lane, idiots, igornace, life rules, proverb, stupidity, worms
Quoting Shakespeare is always fun. But if there is one area ripe for idiots, it’s corporate America. Scott Adams has made a fortune with his Dilbert comic strip pointing out the stupidity in businesses. But, alas, we don’t have to look any further than Ugobe itself. I hate to say it, but what in the world were they thinking when their PleoWorld.com and Ugobe.com sites went down Wednesday afternoon?
Initial queries at the time had their support staff claiming it was intentional, and that they were updating the site, and everything would be back in a few hours. Oooo-Kaaay . . . What toy manufacturer intentionally takes down their main avenue of sales a couple of weeks before Christmas? And why in the middle of the day? Common sense would say if you need to do it now, do it in the wee hours of the morning when traffic is a lot less.
But the worst of it was to replace the sites with the message “This site has been cancelled.” If that’s not going to scare off potential customers, I don’t know what would. And then the leave the message up there for 20+ hours even after being pointed out! Gee, even I would have thought to change the message to say something like “Sorry for the inconvienience . . .” or “We’re making some changes. Back in a few hours.”
Come on, guys! Surely we can do better than this!
Truth be told, people don’t do stupid things. Or, at least to them, at the time, they don’t seem stupid. Now, people truly do some unimaginably incredibly stupid things, but to them, at that time, it made sense. The difference between our knowledge that what they just did was idiotic and their belief that what they just did makes sense is a matter of perspective. Everybody has their own opinions. Everybody has had different experiences. These differences affect the way they see things. That unique view, along with what is going on in their mind (emotions, thoughts, what they’re seeing, etc.) at that point in time, affects the way they think. Showering with a hair dryer is idiotic. But most people don’t plan to electrocute themselves. For whatever reason, they just thought they can save time by washing their hair and drying it at the same time.
“No, officer, I didn’t mean to run that red light. I was just in a hurry and I was sure it would stay yellow long enough for me to drive two more blocks. That’s why I accelerated to 20 mph over the speed limit. Yes, I know all the cars in the other lanes had already stopped, but they probably aren’t running late . . . “
“I know I have two full shopping carts full of stuff, but there wasn’t anyone else in the express lane . . .”
“Those tigers have been in the zoo for years. And the keepers go in those cages daily. Surely they’re tame enough by now. I just want to get a good picture . . .”
“I saw them do this in a movie . . . “
The problem is, even though you know (based on rule #1) that most people ARE idiots, so that you can plan on them doing stupid things. Since everybody has their own unique way of seeing things, you can’t plan for HOW people are going to be stupid. This brings us to the second rule:
Life Rule #2: When it comes to people, like snow, remember that no two flakes are alike.
Idiots are very ingenious in coming up with ways to do things stupidly. You can’t make something idiot-proof, because idiots are so smart. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines idiot-proof as “extremely easy to operate or maintain.” Notice that definition doesn’t mean some idiot won’t find a way to break it, mess it up, mis-interpret the directions, confuse it with something else, or otherwise render all your efforts futile. Therefore, it is imperitative that we stay aware of what’s going on around us at all times. because you never know when that idiot over there will do something so incredibly stupid that it defies all reason or logic.
Tags: express lane, idiots, life rules, perspective
Christmas time is here.
Happiness and cheer.
Fun for all that children call
Their favorite time of the year.
Well, it only follows logically that if we take Life Rule #1 and assume 90% of everyone out there is an idiot, then there’s a 90% chance that Santa’s one of them. There is some merit to that, you know. Philanthropy is one thing, but giving presents to all the good little boys and girls throughout the world seems a little much. But whether you believe in Santa Claus or not, there are enough fake Santas running around this time of year, and you know that most of them ARE idiots. So, when you see a fat guy in a bright red suit, remember, red is the color of WARNING! Do you really want to walk by or talk to this guy?
Would you put your child in a stranger’s lap and encourage them to talk to that stranger and share their secret desires with him? Do you really think that red suit makes a difference? What are we teaching our children? Are we just laying a foundation of entitlement? Are we telling them that it’s O.K. if someone breaks into our house at night? Stop and think things through, here.
Peanuts, Dec. 9th, 2008
Tags: cartoons, Christmas, idiots, life rules, Peanuts, Santa
Agnes, Dec. 8th, 2008
Isn’t it annoying when you get a song stuck in your head? Here’s a new new one to try out: “Wall-E the Snowman . . .” But for full effect, you need to get it stuck in your head with that computerized nasal sounding voice that he has. Trust me. Try singing just that first line two or three times in your best Wall-E accent. You won’t be able to stop!
Real Life Adventures, Dec. 3rd, 2008
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
– Rick Cook
For proof that the world is full of idiots, we merely have to look to our own government (not that politicians are idiots, that’s a whole ‘nother topic!). What I’m talking about here is the DPS. Did you ever wonder why the traffic courts encourage people to take defensive driving classes, and why your insurance is willing to give you a discount if you do? That’s because they realize you need to learn defensive driving simply because most people’s driving is down right offensive.
Tags: cartoons, driving, idiots, Real Life Adventures
For those of you who don’t know, Grumpy runs the bakery/candy store in Weedovia. He has a sign on the counter that reads “Donuts 25¢ each or 3 for a $1″. I always assumed it was a joke. No body’s that stupid, are they? But I guess they are . . .
Take for example Sonic. They have their Tuesday special: hamburgers at 1/2 price. Now, you have to understand that it’s hamburgers that are on sale. Bacon cheeseburgers are not. Now, Sonic does let you add bacon or cheese to a hamburger for 50¢ each. So, if you order a bacon cheeseburger, you’ll have to fork over $3.69 + tax. Now, if you can somehow convince the poor idiot taking the order NOT to ring it up as a bacon cheeseburger but as a hamburger with bacon and cheese added to it, it’s only $2.35. Now, is it the idiot that programmed the cash register that’s at fault? Or the idiot employee who doesn’t know the tricks to placing the order? Or is it a brilliant “bait-and-switch” ploy by marketing to lure people in with a sale and hit ‘em with a full priced menu item? I’ve got to assume it’s the first. Because this is the same bunch that took a $2.69 breakfast burrito and combined it with a $1.59 drink and $1.39 tater tots and sold them for $2.99. For literally a couple of years when I stopped for breakfast, the conversation went like this:
“I’d like a breakfast burrito combo without the tater tots.”
“What? The tater tots come as part of the combo.”
“I know. I don’t want them.”
“O.K., that will be $4.38 plus tax for the drink and breakfast burrito.”
“NO! I don’t want a drink and breakfast burrito, I want the combo without the tater tots.”
“Right. The burrito and drink.”
“But the combo is only $2.99.”
“It’s ringing up as $4.38.”
“Fine. Just give me the regular combo. I’ll throw the tater tots away later.”
“Great! That will be $2.99 plus tax. We’ll have it right out.”
I really thought this was an isolated situation, until I went into Popeye’s chicken. Right there on their menu board for all to see was my “three for a dollar” trick. At the top of the list was two pieces of dark meat and a biscuit for $1.99. The next item down was eight pieces of dark meat (with no biscuits) for $7.99. Gee Wally, if I bought four of the 2-piece, I’d save 3 cents and get four biscuits. O.K., that may be trivial. 3 cents. Who cares. Well, those four biscuits would cost you $2.86 more to order. BUT things get better! The next line offers 16 pieces of dark meat (no biscuits) for only $16.99. Hmm. If I got two of the 8-piece combos I’d save $1.01. But if I got eight of the 2-piece I’d be saving $1.07 and be eight biscuits ahead. Finally, the last line offers the big money saving 32-piece combo. And, yep, it’s only $35.99! By buying the the big combo instead of 16 of the smaller 2-piece, I get to spend an extra $3.15 and give up over $11 worth of their prized mouth-watering biscuits! Good thing it was Tuesday. That’s when they sell that 2-piece dark with the biscuit for 99¢. I’m no idiot! :-) I waved at the Sonic as I drove by . . .
Tags: chicken, hamburgers, idiots
Real Life Adventures, Nov. 29th, 2008
This is such a great truth. Real Life Adventures by
The next lady to check out only had 27 item. I counted this time. As it turns out, she doesn’t like using the new-fangled devices that let you swipe your own credit card, so she had to step back to the cash register to let the cashier swipe her card. The cashier swiped the card without a word of complaint, handed it back to the customer, and then informed her she still had to go back over the the new-fangled device and punch all the buttons to make her selections and then sign on the display pad anyway.
Most people would be pulling out their hair by now, having to put up with all this stupidity. Not me. I expect it. I realize that the other customers are idiots. That the cashier is an idiot. And that the store manager is an idiot for putting the slowest and least trained employees on the express lanes. So when these things happen, it’s what I expected. I knew it would happen, so I was prepared. And when it did happen, I could just smile at the idiots, recognizing them for who they are. Life makes sense when you realize you live in a world populated by idiots.
Tags: cartoons, express lane, idiots, life rules, Real Life Adventures
I enjoy being a pessimist. George F. Will said “The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.” See, being a pessimist is logical. See, Galileo said “I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.” As an optimist, if things go right, that’s what we expect, so it’s no big deal. And when things go wrong, we are upset by that fact. But as George Will put it, being a pessimist, I’m either feel smug that I’m right, or happy I’m wrong. Either way, I feel good about things.
This leads to my first rule of life:
Life Rule 1: Always remember that 90% of everyone out there is a complete idiot.
When we remember this, the world makes much more sense. It’s a lot easier to understand why things are the way they are, and you don’t have to waste time worrying about it.
Tags: life rules, pessimist