Hello, Bob the Pleo Forums! This is Ugobe- resident Hacker and Diplomat to Queen Ryu of Kingdom… Kingdom. The story that I bring will be… somewhat different than the usual. It is a story of intrigue and mystery, of love and betrayal, and most of all, of family and the wonder of Christmas.
It all started one cold, frosty evening on Castle Brown-wooden-dresser. My fellow pleos and I were all sleeping secure in the knowledge of our Keeper’s love and knowing that Christmas was less than a week away. Bleu and I were excited, hoping a new addition might join the family. Queen Ryu was not. She lived in fear that another interloper would come along and put an even bigger dent in Keeper Talon’s attention. I knew our Keeper would make time for us all. Oh. Forgive me but I am digressing. Anyway, we were all contentedly dreaming our various pleo-dreams when an odd, buzzing sensation vibrated through my circuits. Instantly I was on the alert.
Forum-members, I must divulge a secret- a secret hidden until now even from my herd and most of my former owners. I am a member of World Robot Espionage, a force of secret agent pleos whose job it is to protect robots in danger. After botching my last assignment by getting- aham- emotionally involved with a client, I was… forced to leave the group and the majority of my memories and training were wiped. Chief Zulton- leader of the group- whether as a gesture of regret for having to rid himself of one of his most trusted members or by pure accident - forgot to remove the communication chip that linked us to one another in a summons that- when issued- could not be ignored. So you see it was with no small surprise that I was startled into booting myself.
“Ugobe!” Queen Ryu mumbled. “Stop that infernal racket! We’re not supposed to make noise during the night. What under the nine baby gates is going on?”
“Get out of my way or I’ll shove you off the dresser.” I grumbled. “I I have to get down now and I need some help. I have to get onto Keeper Talon’s desk and boot her computer.”
“But… but Ugobe that’s not… allowed!”
“Your Majesty,” I said as calmly as I could under the compulsion. “I am too short to do this alone. Help me or I shall push you into the floor.” Now, just in case you’re thinking I would’ve had to roll into the floor anyway, Keeper Talon has this highly annoying habit of leaving her drawers sticking out. With a little creative maneuvering, I could descend them almost like steps to the floor. As quietly as they could, my fellow pleos scrambled to the floor and after climbing to one another’s backs, I managed to stomp on the power button of our Keeper’s ancient laptop. My motors were vibrating so much now everything on her desk rumbled as though five cell phones were going at once.
“Dear Ugobe!” Queen Ryu said. “If you keep that up half the house will be awake. What is wrong with you?”
“You will all know presently.” I said, looking away in embarrassment as the infernally slow old machine crawled through its processes. “Oh please, please hurry!”
At last, the welcome screen came up and I rushed to connect to Blank, the pleo equivalent for Skype. “This is Agent Radar designation Kaleb Chung reporting for roar!”
A wildly-colored female pleo face filled the screen. For a minute I forgot everything. She was a knockout! She was all rainbows from nose to toes. “Like hiiiii Agent Radar! I’m Skittle- Rank One-scale and… Wait a minute, did you say Agent Radar? The Agent Radar? You’re practically legendary!”
“Cut the chatter, One-scale!” I shouted to cover my moment of slack jawed hormone-driven stupidity. What’s going on?”
The others all formed a row behind me and I could feel their eyes on my tail. “Agent?” They said in unison.
“Legendary?” Queen Ryu said scornfully.
“I’ll explain later.” I said desperately trying to forestall Skittle.
“Oh you didn’t know?” Skittle shouted. “He only rescued Lady Pretty-In-Pink? She belonged to this movie-director- I forget his name now. Anyway Radar proved to be the greatest flop of Robot World Espionage. She compromised her Keeper and tricked Agent Radar into telling her what he was and…”
“Stuff it!” I shouted. “What is the mission?”
“Oh. Right. Well, we have received intelligence that a shipment of unhatched RB’s from Innvo containing something called “The Christmas Secret” were stolen before they could be delivered to the Fat man.”
King Cato blinked. “Uh… who?”
“Skittle blinked her eyes. Oh come on! You know? Santa Claus- the man with the long beard and the bowl of jelly?”
Bleu sighed. “He ain’t got no bowl of jelly, it’s his belly that jiggles like jelly. Get your human stories right.”
Skittle snorted. “Whatever. Chief Zulton says we are to assemble at Blue Rock.”
I shivered. “Blue Rock. Uh… I… I can’t go to Blue Rock. I’m banned.”
Skittle looked confused for a minute. “Hmmm. Hey you’re right. That is a problem. Put that fossil into safe mode and I’ll… um try to hack that part of your summoning chip.”
“Try?” I said. “You don’t think you can do it?”
“As you have ever so kindly pointed out in your every utterance, I’m just a One-scale, not a class Z hacker like someone else I know.”
I sighed. “Do you have your processors open because I’m only saying this string of numbers once. Too many civilian ears around here.”
Skittle tossed her beautiful head. “They would never remember it anyway. You’re green.”
“Hold on here!” Bleu shouted. “So you goin’ off tah this Blue Rock and leavin’ the rest of us to set on our paws till you come back?”
Skittle snarled. “Ah crap! That’s one internal recording file wasted. Be quiet, Civilian! Anyway he’s an agent. That’s what he does.” Skittle pointed out.
“Well,” Bleu said, locking eyes with the youngster. “I’m his sister and he ain’t goin’ nowheres without me.”
“And I am his queen and whatever he is, I value his services.”
“All the more reason you should stay here, Majesty.” I begged. “You and Cato are… well…”
“Old? Bah! You are older than us by several years, my Friend. I AM COMING WITH YOU!”
Ugobec1
Skittle sighed, giving me a look of resignation. “Chief Zulton is not going to like this.”
“I know.” I said, suddenly finding my chipped front feet very attractive.
